The Footsteps of Motherhood

Cutie Pie

I’m so greatful for this little one:

Paityn passed out

I don’t have much time to write, but I just wanted to drop a post saying that, because I really am <3

Happy Thursday! (I totally thought it was Tuesday…I originally  typed that LOL)

Learning…

So its been a while since I’ve written, but mainly because I have been busy with renos and have had no time to write anything. Any ways, I just wanted to write this down, not only to talk about it, but for my own reference:

About two minutes ago I was laying in bed nursing my daughter to sleep when I realized something about myself…my body is beautiful just the way it is, just as my daughter’s body is beautiful, for we have very similar bodies. Now this may not seem like a big thing to you right now, but the truth is, from the ages of 13-15, I suffered from two forms of eating disorders, both anorexia, and bulimia, and only really truly semi-recovered when I became pregnant with my daughter, because I had someone growing inside me to eat for…now I have someone I am nursing to eat for, and to be an example for. The truth is though, I don’t think I will ever fully recover. I will always see a skinny female and think about how I failed, and I will always come across information on eating disorders (ex. the commercial with the young girl seeing “skinny”, “sexy” ect in the media), and they will forever cause a triggering effect in my brain. However, learning to except my body for the way it is, and learning that my body helped create my daughter, and is nourishing her, is definitely a good step in the right direction. Today though, I looked at my beautiful little girl, and thought about her saddle bag thighs, and the cellulite on her arms, legs and bum, and realized, these traits are genetic, and that I don’t have these traits because I am FAT, or out of CONTROL with my weight. I am the way I am, because my parents created me, and passed on their genetics to me. No amount of starving or self-loathing is EVER going to change that. I feel my daughter is absolutely gorgeous just the way she is, and her and I look so much alike, so I should feel gorgeous too!

I just thought I’d share that…even though nobody is yet reading Someday, though, perhaps I will have blog followers! *Wishes hard* haha

A very, merry HALF BIRTHDAY to you! <3

Happy half a year outside of the womb, Paityn. Mommy loves you! <3

The Good and the Bad…

The Good:

Today I sat and watched my daughter play in her exersaucer (which is shaped like a lady bug). On the side of the exersaucer, there is wiry pole with a beaded caterpillar on it, okay? Anyway, my daughter was trying DESPERATELY to EAT that caterpillar, but she just couldn’t seem to pull it into her mouth. But OH, the determination! She spent literally 20 minutes tugging at that thing in different directions until she finally managed to suck on the caterpillar’s head. It was adorable! It really fascinated me though at how much of a problem solver she already is. I’m so proud of her for her keeping to it until she found a way.

Also, I bought my daughter 4 things today I absolutely adore!:

Sophie La Giraffe - Natural Rubber Teether

The last one I can’t seem to find, but anyway, it’s this natural wooden toy with wooden beads on it, and it’s really neat!

The Bad:

My labor memories are really starting to bug me again. I feel like I was horrible mislead and manipulated into what happened, and I really wish someone would of informed me about the dangers of induction, and that my body was supposed to help me through labor chemically without the use of an epidural. Sometimes I wonder if having the epidural stopped me from fully receiving the endorphins, and is the cause of my post-partum depression. Good luck getting a mainstream doctor to confirm that though, lol.

Elimination Communication!

Ooo I’m just so excited, I can’t supress my glee! We just started the EC method with my daughter (which we talked about doing at 2 months, and tried, but ended up getting distracted from it, and abandoned until now) and in the past two days she’s gone pee on her potty 4 times! Twice yesterday, and so far, twice today, maybe more. I’m soo excited! She absolutely loves it too, there’s big smiles all around. Just thought I’d share

Kyra

Bittersweet Motherhood – Letting go of the past…

Up until just recently, I hadn’t realised how mortal everything is. My grandmother died 5 years ago, and up until recently, somehow I was convinced that those moments we shared with eachother weren’t lost forever. However, the other day, it dawned on me that I was never going to get those moments back. They are now a mere memory, and can only be relived in the mind. They are pictures. Scenes. Motion. No smells, no background sounds, nothing. I can not touch my grandma’s hand, or receive a hug. I can not kiss her goodbye, or smell her wonderful cooking. I can not sit and listen to the exact tone of her beautiful voice. All of that is gone, and it’s so unbelievably depressing. On the same note, all of this is also the same when it comes to my daughter. She will be officially 6 months on the 21st, and I CAN NOT believe it. She is a whopping 20lbs already, and has grown out of all but 2 or 3 outfits (which is alright, since we try to keep her naked anyhow). She no longer likes her exersaucer, being swaddled, or laying on my chest for hugs. She is almost CRAWLING. And that is insane to me, and so hard for me to deal with. It dawned on me that I will never, ever get to hold her newborn body in the hospital again. I won’t ever get to nurse her for the first time, or take her home for the first time. I won’t get to feel her kicking up a storm in my stretchmark-covered belly, I will never get to see her first smile again, or hear her first giggle. There is so many times that I am morning, though joyful times. And it hurts. I bawled my eyes out for about 2 hours the other evening on the phone with my mom about this, which is the first time I’ve let her see me cry in a long time. My mortality just kind of hit me, and it was really scary.

Everytime I think about little-newborn-Paityn, I think of her in this really cute orange nightgown someone got her, and it makes me smile. It’s crazy that that nightgown is now half the size of her, and couldn’t fit her even if her life depended on it.

I know however, there is a bittersweetness in feeling this way: Knowing my mortality, and the mortality of those I love around me makes me appreciate them and the moments we get to share more. I love my daughter inconceivable amounts, and I want to make sure I spend every moment I can with her.

Wonderful Website and great idea!

http://www.betterforgrownups.com/

So the concept of reusing toilet paper and tissues is kind of gross to most, which I get, which was why I was hesitant to bring the concept up with my husband. However, last week I finally worked up the courage to ask him if we could try it out, and surprisingly he said YES! So, as of next week hopefully, I’ll have bought fabric to make us some reusable, organic hygiene care products.

On another note, I’m very excited for tomorrow! I just got a free fig tree from a woman on kijiji and I am having it dropped off tomorrow. I’ve never really owned a plant other than a spider plant, but I am very excited to begin a new journey in growing my own vegetables and fruits.

Homemade Cheese

How to Make Cheese at Home

You can make cheese using ingredients and equipment found in most kitchens.
Ingredients

* 2 cups of milk
* 4 teaspoons of vinegar
* salt

[edit] Steps

1. Place two cups of milk in the saucepan, slowly bringing the milk to a boil while stirring constantly. It is very important to constantly stir the milk or it will burn.
2. Turn the burner off once the milk is boiling, but leave the saucepan on the element or gas grate.
3. Add 4 teaspoons vinegar to the boiling milk, at which point the milk should turn into curds and whey.
4. Stir well with spoon and let it sit on the element for 5-10 minutes.
5. Pass the curds and whey through cheesecloth or a handkerchief to separate the curds from the whey.
6. Press the cheese using the cloth to get most of the moisture out.
7. Open the cloth and add a pinch of salt if desired.
8. Mix the cheese and salt and then press again to remove any extra moisture.
9. Put the cheese in a mold or just leave it in a ball type form.
10. Refrigerate for a while before eating.

[edit] Tips

* Yield will be approximately 1/4 to 1/2 cup of cheese.
* Try adding flavors to your cheese by adding herbs and spices.
* Try coloring your cheese using just a small drop of food coloring.
* Try using different types of vinegar or milk.
* Try using lemon juice instead of vinegar.
* Never leave your cheese out in the hot sun. It will spoil and will taste awful. It’s best to store the cheese in the fridge until ready to use.

Another cool recipe – Breastmilk Yogurt!

How to make Breastmilk Yogurt:

1. Express about 1 pint of breastmilk using a pump. Some breastfeeding mothers prefer to freeze and thaw the milk before making yogurt from it, but this isn’t necessarily important. It is best to get plenty of hindmilk (the thicker, richer milk that is expressed later during a nursing or pumping session) in the yogurt base.

2. Heat the pint of breastmilk in a pot or double-boiler over medium heat, measuring the heat with a candy thermometer or other precise thermometer. Stir the breastmilk frequently to prevent your yogurt base from scorching, and do not allow it to boil.

3. When the breastmilk has cooled to about 110 degrees, quickly empty it into a sterilized jar (a recently-washed canning jar works well). Add about 1 tablespoon of fresh soy or cow’s milk yogurt. The active cultures in a previous batch of yogurt will colonize your new yogurt. Next time, you can use this batch as your starter!

4. Place your jar of breastmilk yogurt into a cooler or thermos, and allow the yogurt cultures to incubate for about six hours. You can allow it to incubate longer for tarter yogurt, or for a shorter amount of time for milder-tasting yogurt. Six hours is usually ideal for breastmilk yogurt, but you can experiment to find out what your child prefers.

Sounds exciting!

Coolest Idea EVER!

So I was sitting there making butter out of cream, and then an idea came to me: What about my baby? Can I make butter out of breastmilk? So I looked it up, and found this: